Unconditional

Everyone always tells me; “Jason, why don’t you ever do anything that makes you happy?  You deserve to be happy.  You should tell everyone to fuck off and just do whatever makes you happy; you owe that to yourself.  You are such a great guy; everyone needs a ‘Jason’ in their lives…go be happy.”  And the kicker is that they say that until they know that the only thing that would make me happy has something to do with them…then the story changes.  Everything is conditional…it’s always conditional…at least everything is except for me, I can’t be conditional or compromising for anyone, I just need to be available.  I really don’t mind, in fact I enjoy being useful; it’s almost like being loved and I really want to be loved – it’s funny because really that’s the only thing I want.  I can draw anything.  I can design anything.  I can make the impossible happen…usually from nothing.  I can do all of these things and I would give them all up tomorrow if I thought it would help…but it won’t because that’s why people keep me around.  It’s who I am and that is perfectly fine – there is nothing wrong with being needed for one thing or another; for convenience or not; for love or something pretty close to it…it’s all the same.  I only know what unconditional love is because it is what I give.  No matter what anyone ever does or did, the love I have for everyone is without conditions…period.  It’s not what you do, it’s why you do it…just remember that the next time you make an excuse that the other person could care less about.  Sometimes people just want to talk to you without a reason or cause.  Sometimes people need to open up their minds to the possibilities.  Sometimes people should remember that you are never completely ready for anything so you should just jump anyway; if you broke a bone falling then at least you did something for doing it…for the adventure – waiting for adventures to happen would be fine if you still used the time in-between to live instead of waiting.