I really don't know what to say. For possibly the first time, I've got nothing. I can't win...ever, I think. This week is suppose to be a nice week; I cleared my schedule to help a dear couple move this weekend even though I was sick-it went well; I am even feeling better - to about 90% or so. One of my other dear friends is getting married on Saturday, March 13th - which is also my Brother Christopher and my God-Daughter Bella's Birthday. And then there is Monday the 15th...I won't even get into what it is but for those who know...well, it will be pleasantly uneventful, I hope...maybe with a movie.
All of that is still a go but with exceptions because apparently I am a fucking horrible person that no one fucking wants to be around-when did I become such a bad person? When did people decide that I didn't do enough? I don't usually do this and I apologize in advance...this is just venting I suppose. Everyone seems to want a piece of me and then, when I want anything...everyone is just, well-I just want to know when it's enough...that's all. Someone tell me when I have done enough for people to figure out that I am not a horrible person.
You know, quite a long time ago for those of you that remember, I had an AOL blog with a pretty large following and I use to just say whatever I felt all the time-and then I got crap for that. I got shitty comments from people and others that were my family and friends, just feeling sorry for me. So, I took it down because I don't need that. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want you to think that there is something wrong when there is because even if it's meant to be just a small thing, it is blown out of proportion. I think of myself as a very fortunate person to be able to do the things I can and to have the support I do...but whenever I feel like writing shit like this I get grief-and everyone wonders why I wind up only showing the happy shit or the well constructed shit...or the shit that was designed to that reason I designed it-or whatever. Well today, it's just me bitching. If you don't like it...don't read it. If you want to feel sorry for me, get lost. If you want to yell at me for the language, fuck you. If I have in some way offended you, it's about time someone other than the person writing this feels offended. I will have a happy fucking birthday whenever it is-even if I never see a damn soul and maybe I will feel more like writing something a bit more worthwhile than a few paragraphs shoved with shit and fucks when I have decided that I have gotten at least one damn thing I wanted instead of everything I never asked for.
You know, I wanted to be happy...I really did but it's just never enough is it...I am telling everyone, I can only stretch so far before I am torn apart. If anyone has ever asked me what I wanted to do instead of telling me, I might actually shoot myself out of pure excitement-so please, whatever you do...don't start that; I might realize that I had a choice in life.
One last thing while I am being completely fucking honest; I absolutely enjoyed talking to you.
Thank you for enduring the rant. I think I am done now. I appreciate you letting me have this one...don't ruin it please.
-me
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