It’s easy for me to sit here behind this computer screen and write these things that fly out of my mind at breakneck speeds; I can never really be sure who even reads them. Some people comment to me that they could never write things and publish them for anyone to read and I have to think that I’m no more discreet than they are; after all, I only write what I want you to read. No matter what anyone thinks, all journals or blogs and even websites are all designed for a specific reason. It’s easy for people to think or dream that you’re a greater person than you are from what tiny slice of ‘truth’ you let them see. Sometimes it’s a far fetch and sometimes it’s closer to the genuine article than you think. For me, it gives me the chance to say things that I might not normally get the chance to say. For me, it’s easy because I never want anyone to think I am giving a sermon or a lecture and that’s how some of these turn out to be when I end up reading them afterwards; people who visit always have the opportunity to click a button or close the window. It’s easy for me to be whomever someone needs me to be when they need something they can’t get where they are. Behind this keyboard, it’s just easy to know the right answer for everyone with a question.
It’s easy to know what you need; what’s hard is admitting it to yourself. It’s easy for me to know what it is you can’t admit to yourself because you already know it, I simply help it along. I have always said that I will always be around for whoever needs me, when they need me the most and when they don’t anymore, I’m very quietly not around. Now this is not exclusive to this computer and this collection of mindless ramblings that seem to go on forever but not hardly, in life I have followed the same paths. I seem to be where I’m needed the most and although it’s not practical for me and it’s not the life I had originally had in mind when I was younger and full of ambition, this is where I have ultimately ended up. I enjoy helping other people out; it makes me feel useful…I enjoy being useful.
It’s easy for everyone to take things for granted like waking up for work or cutting the grass; things that seem like meaningless chores that you may or may not enjoy. It’s easy to be numb to the ever spinning world around you only to feel that proverbial ‘brick wall’ when everything seems to be falling apart. I must insist that reality is there 100% of the time and 98% of the time we find ourselves in this fantasy world; gliding through life at speeds that make that 2% of reality blur past you without ever noticing. It’s only when you hit that wall that it hurts, surprising to you because you have been looking beyond it most of the time.
It’s easy for me to say the difficult things that I feel need to be said because I am here and you expect me to; I was trained to by you. What’s not easy for me are all of those intangible things that could change my own life. I have the same hurdles you have; the same trials and heartaches, the same hopes, dreams and wishes but what keeps me from what I really want out of life…I just don’t know.
You know, a long time ago I use to get a Chicago Sun-Times every day. It was delivered to me and I enjoyed reading through it; it made me feel like I was part of the world when I was up to date on what was happening in it. When I eventually moved and didn’t have the paper, I felt a bit lost and I didn’t quite know what was going on anymore. I was so use to my routine that it was chaos when I didn’t have it anymore. Everyone who does anything throughout the day has always done it that way-don’t lie to yourselves. Nothing has changed, it just became more frequent and easier but nothing has changed. You wake up in the morning and brush the sleep from your eyes and you go on with your day. Maybe your lifestyle has altered when you do things or how often you do things but they were always the same. A radio becomes an ipod or that rotary dial became a cell phone; chances are your book hasn’t changed but the amount of information you intake during the day has. And you may go to work; at home, at a business, with your children, running you errands, whatever…you go and complete those tasks as quickly as you can while you might notice trivial things during your day that fool you into thinking that you see the bigger picture. If you’ve done a good job at fooling yourself, you will be disagreeing with this bit as you read but remember one thing and understand how it relates precisely to this: “The completely insane never question themselves about it but the sane person questions their sanity almost constantly.” So I will ask once more, are you guilty of watching the world pass right by you? There, you see? It’s easy for me.
It’s easy for me to pretend everything is right with the world as long as I can touch it and get my fingers into it only to manipulate things the way I think they should be for you but that would be naive of me. It would be easy for me to take advantage of people and that’s exactly why I don’t. Even for someone like me, that could do so much with what everyone gives me, I need to take my own advice and live to challenge myself because it’s absolutely not easy. It would be easy for me but easy all of the time is boring and where is the adventure in that? I am here for the adventure. The adventure of a life that has your line bumping into mine or his line crossing mine or even her line making mine a bit twisty in the middle. It’s easy to sit behind this screen everyday and type a few words and I am sure it’s easy for you and the other millions of people who do that but why? I know why I keep doing this; so maybe today you won’t but why do you dismiss it and keep doing it anyway?
Dou you know what else is easy to do? It’s easy to say hello. It’s easy to say I love you one more time than you normally do. It’s easy to pet your dog when you pass it when normally you wouldn’t. It’s easy to turn around on your way to the car when you're leaving for work to see if the gutters need to be cleaned. It’s easy to reach over and hold a hand when you wouldn’t. It’s easy to be mindful about the things you wish you were mindful about. It’s easy to change. It’s easy to not read this when you want to. It’s easy to say I can’t do that because you honestly believe it but it really is a lie. It’s easy to not pay attention to the fact that you aren't the first person that this incredibly horrible, life altering thing happened to. It’s easy to decide that you should ignore all the things that you can do. It’s easy to forget you have talent. It’s easy to stop doing something because you can’t do it the same way you were use to. And then again, it’s just as easy to decide to do things differently and to the way you are doing them right at this moment in time…simply stop.
Now that’s easy.
Thank you for reading; I love you all...(and especially you)
-me
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