I gotta tell ya, I am certainly in the Christmas spirit but there seems to be the same thing missing this year that's been missing for many years. Now, I'm pretty use to it by now but why should I be? I really do think this year has been more difficult because I really did try my best and it wasn't even close to being enough; I really don't think it will ever be enough.
I have always thought I was good enough and people tell me I am all of the time but you just have to think about it for a second; if everyone tells you that you are thin but when you get on the scale you see it hit 500lbs...you know you aren't thin. It's nice that everyone says you are but really, you're not...and apparently, neither am I-obviously I am not talking about weight, I am talking about self-worth and I am just not worth enough.
People keep telling me; "One day Jason, one day...." and they are just being polite and it's ok. I just think that if lightning did strike twice, you should at least be ready for it the second time around but my 'One day' isn't going to come anytime soon...I am sure of that now. It's a very sobering experience when someone has to give you a comment in plain English about nothing pertaining to anything at the moment simply in order to curb your thoughts. Well, no one needs to worry about that any longer...I always knew I was better off just being that safe guy and that is what I'll be from now on. It's funny how I can invest so much into such a chance but hate to gamble money...weird.
Anyway- tomorrow, more artwork.
Love and miss you all my friends... equally-
-SLiDE->
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