“It’s Easy”

I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to write this and not put out a public update by publicizing it...if you stumble upon it, enjoy the read-

"I's Easy"

Life is not easy; it’s not easy for anyone…not for me, not for you. It’s made to be challenging…life is messy, full of mistakes and hurdles that you can’t always overcome. I have had my share over the years and it never gets easier and you can’t outrun the past and you can’t forget what you’ve done and you just hope that one day you might get the chance to make it all up…to have the chance to do it the right way and to make right from what you have once done wrong. Well, at least I hope I might get that chance.

I have been told that I’m not an artist on many occasions.
I have been told that I’m nothing more than a hack.
I have been told that my best work is nothing more than a bunch of poorly fabricated crap that only marginally passes for artwork in the same way baseball cards do.

I have been called a cheat.
I have been called a thief of ideas.
I have been called a fake.
I have been called a horrible person for saying those things that are difficult to say; where stronger men would stand tall and stay quiet, I sat and spoke and I am horrible for it.

I have been called a sap.

I have been told that I just don't know what I am talking about.
I have been called many bad things and each time I hear them, I wonder just a little bit deeper if they might be right, even just a little bit.

I know who I am and I am fine with it; I love the man I have become. I feel that I have a deeper understanding of things because of the criticism I take but yet, I am constantly trying to grow and try harder, to be better, to find ways to silence my critics, to find love in the places where I have found none and to prove my worth and integrity to some who find it difficult to understand why I would and why it’s important for me to do so.

I have been told that my ideals are worthless.
I have been told that my theories on life are flawed.
I have been scrutinized by my peers for simply not knowing the real truth about things when I believe that open-mindedness begins with understanding what you hate the most about something.

I have been called worthless and stupid.
I have been called silly and insane.
I have been called a liar about things because I am different in the way I think.

I have been told that I just fall short of expectations.
I have been told that I am simply not good enough.
I have also been told that I was too good, which is just another way of saying that I wasn't good enough; it just means that they don't want you-no matter what.
I have been told that the world is not what I see it to be and that my reality is nothing but false.

And possibly what hurts the most of all is that I have been told to just give up.

But here I am, writing this; ever consistent and as driven as I have ever been, maybe even more so. I will not stop or slow down or rest and I will make my legacy the way I feel it needs to be. I am in control of words that people will read when I am no longer around to speak them and my destiny will not be made from small minds that believe their own slighted opinions about the way things are or were.

I have been called many things and I have been told who I seem to be.
It would be easy for me to call them all liars and to refute the words they speak…
But a time or two, I have been called a genius and I have been told my heart is big and that’s why they all must have been telling the truth.

It’s easy to think about the good things and it’s easy to wish and to dream; it’s even easy to move on from a feeling when all it does is hurt you and leave you enraged.
But life is not easy, as I have said before; it’s filled with obstacles and decisions that all have the potential for pain.

You have the choice the same as I, to live your life until you die…you can take a chance where one might not exist, to possibly be hurt or told that that you too are worthless but what if? What if that one time you try and you give everything you’ve got and it just happens to come out right and you wouldn’t have wasted an unmade shot? What if a little happiness was just that easy? After all, the only reason you don’t think it could be that easy is because in your experience it never has been…but if you were to look it up in the dictionary, never does not have the same definition as always…never keeps happening until that one time it doesn’t anymore.

It would be easy to come here and not read the whole thing…
It’s easy to think that I am full of shit.
It’s even easy to keep believing blindly in the things you still believe will never change but it’s just as easy for me to decide stay and wait.

Thank you...I love you all; (+1)

-jason

The EPIC Series: "A Beautiful Day" & Happy Mother's Day

Before we get into the Artwork, I would like to wish everyone out there a very Happy Mother's Day; especially to all of the New Mommy's out there, such as my friend Amanda who just had a beautiful baby boy just a couple of days ago; to all of my family, my Aunts and Cousins who were great friends to me and that have helped raise me these many years; to my friends, whom allow a crazy guy like me be a part of your children's lives; to all of my 'other' Mom's who continually fear for my safety and wish a better life for me whenever they get the chance; to all of the Mom's out there I have lost over the years- Flo, Rosemary, Mrs Grundler, Sue- just in the past few months;  to both of my Grandmothers, who are no longer with me today but are certainly smiling down upon me; and to my Mother, I know sometimes I am a complete pain in the ass but I know I am the luckiest boy to have a Mom as good as you-and I wouldn't trade you for the world.  I also want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to everyone out there who has wiped a dirty butt and made chicken soup and made the medicine taste better and given up their free time and money to make sure that their children had the best life they could possibly give.  I could never fathom all of the sacrifices you make on a daily basis to provide the best for the ones you love but I do know what they mean; take it from me, I remember each and every time anyone of my Mom's out there did without so I didn't have to and so will your children.  I know it doesn't seem like much when you are doing it but it counts; it counts every time and it counts big.  It counts in ways that you might not realize for a dozen years or more but it counts.

See, right from the beginning, my Grandmother took 10 minutes out of her life one day when I was 4yrs old to show me how drawing one circle was the key to drawing anything I ever wanted to draw...and now, well-I got really good drawing circles.  My Mother always encouraged me in whatever I wanted to do-even though sometimes she pushed me to do more than I wanted because she saw my potential-and now, I am a pain in the ass who doesn't know when to give up.  My Aunt Karin inspired me from the beginning with her approach to food-she just didn't cook or bake, she made it seem more like she was creating artwork of her own and I was always excited to see what she would make next.  My friends Mary, Jodie, Jinx, Shari, Corrynn, Andrea, Nikki, Cyndi, Mayfair, Jenny, Jenny, Nicole, Terra, Aereana, Alicia, Jill, Angie, Susy, Brenda, Lori, Heather, Jackie, Katie, Maria, Michelle and Ronda-you have let me meet your children and take a peek into their lives long enough for me to fall in love with them and I thank you.  To my friend Trish who will celebrate her first Mother's day next year.  To My two wonderful sister-in-laws-Kelly and Grace, I am a lucky brother and uncle to be able to watch your children grow up AND at the same time have the patience to put up with me.  And the Mom's along the way that I never asked for but got anyway-Ms Iaccino, Judy, Mrs Hauger, Mrs. Corwynn, Patsy Miller, Mrs Bronson, Bonnie Kendall, Joanne Meier, Mrs Christie, Mrs Willimann, Sherril, Amy as well as all of the amazing Mom's that are no longer with us- thank the lord someone was paying attention because I am sure a few of those times I might have killed myself doing something stupid if you hadn't smacked me on the back of my head.  Lastly, I would just like to thank you for reading this and for taking the time to read a bunch of names that you probably can only wonder about the kind of impact they must have had for me to turn out as great as I have-Happy Mother's Day to you.

This Mother's Day, I would love to be able to give you all a kiss but since I can't...I suppose a tiny piece of artwork will have to be good enough - even though I know that in a perfect world, it would only just begin to tell you how much you mean to me and just how much I love you all.

AND NOW...here's a new piece of artwork for all of you...

When originally I came up with the 'EPIC Series', I had original sketches dating back to 1997 that I always wanted to incorporate into the series because I had always thought the ideas had merit.  One of those sketches became "Sweet Dreams" (one of the first released originally in 2007) BUT...I always meant for there to be a 'pair' in the series; I had a moon and I needed a sun.  I never came up with a good concept for that second piece before I decided to abandon the series until that fateful day when I was 'URGED' or inspired to dig it back out.  I pulled out my original designs and quickly cobbled together what I thought would be a great design after a certain phone conversation I had.  BUT then, I decided to alter the design quite extensively after I found out my friend was going to have a baby and when I completely decided on what to do (at the time I had about 8 weeks to finish it) everything seemed to go according to schedule UNTIL...Last week, I decided to take a small break from doing the artwork to finish a short story I had written, "Olive Park" and it was a welcome distraction and then, wouldn't you know it-someone has to go destroy my deadline by going into labor all early...geeze...Thanx Amanda!  So I had to take a break from finishing "Olive Park" which I was doing while I was taking a break from finishing the 'EPIC Series' so I could do the next unscheduled piece in the 'EPIC Series' because I don't really make deadlines to actually use them...WOW.  So anyway, Here it is, just in time for a new Baby and Just perfect for Mother's Day and for Mom's everywhere- "A Beautiful Day".

Thank you all, I love you very much.

A Pause from Artwork and "Olive Park"

“A Pause from Olive Park”

I have decided to take a small (very small) break from completing new artwork to finish something else that I have put off for far too long already. Some of you know about a short story I wrote a while back called “Olive Park” and even though it was completed, I always felt like the last half of the story needed some elaboration; it just seemed rushed to me. So, yesterday I began the long and arduous task of rewriting most of it…well, at least 70% of it. It’s true that I am only scratching the surface having only one day into it so far but I also felt like I haven’t written much in the past year or so and I thought I needed to give you just a little something here-you know, while the feeling strikes me. Writing a love story; based on a true story nonetheless, is a very tiring job and it gets you thinking about a great many things while you are in the process. I want this to be so much more than it already is; I have always felt like it was an unfinished story and I just keep thinking that it’s just not right. The truth in the story lies in events that happened so long ago and I guess the one thing that I have always hoped for (and the real reason why it never seemed quite finished to me) was because I was always holding out for a happy ending. Olive Park deserves a happy ending; I want a happy ending and although things have happened since the actual events occurred that briefly made me hopeful that I was close to one, it just never materialized. Now, as I sit here and relive every moment of that story, I see the end in sight and I shutter at the thought of how I will write an ending to a story that doesn’t end happily. It makes me wonder about life and love and what’s in store; I know that every ending is only the beginning to another great adventure but I want so much for this story to have a happy ending that I have had this reluctance to finish it for many years. Maybe deep down inside I don’t want Olive Park to end; maybe that’s it or maybe I want it to end badly just so I can write the next bit, like a continuation. I think I want something to just jump out of the blue…someone to just jump out of the blue to help me make this story complete. I want that reason to come to me that makes me want to tell the world an ending; a reason to shout it to the world…something amazing that only happens once that I can be proud to be a part of; something just as unique and just as special as Olive Park was or maybe even more so. Not so long ago, I thought I might be able to write that ending; it would have been an amazing ending but twists and turns are always present in my plots I suppose and any chance at an ending or even a new beginning fell quite short. Even now as I take my mind off of the story I have been rewriting to think and dream a little, all I can do is think about how fantastic it could have been. I even have this little argument with myself about why I don’t just write that wonderful ending but I always lose that one because I don’t want to write a story that is completely true right up until you get to the end-and then what? The end will be fabricated; fake…like a wish that never came true-as if I were hoping for something great but settling for whatever I could think of. I know how stories go and I know for certain that the best stories just happen. No matter how good you are at guessing or planning how you want a story to go, there is just no substitution for what real situations that could arise (and have arose) instead of that clean story you have planned out in your head. Within everything I have written, there has always been some truth but this story, Olive Park is just something more finite to me; if it ends badly then deep down inside I will feel that when everything is said and done, I will have ended badly. It’s true that this is only a little sliver of time out of a lifetime that happened a half of a lifetime ago but it is still my life. The search for love in every fairy tale and love story has some sort of realization or moral to the story that makes you think or understand or even relate it to some time you went through it. It should make you feel good and happy to finish it with the main characters; having been through everything along with them. It should be a triumph of soul to reach the top of that mountain together and feel accomplished and I suppose that I want that more than anything for this story. I know the way I really want this story to finish and I will always hope that I will have the opportunity to write that ending but I hope someday I will be able to rewrite this ending into the one ending that I never could have imagined it to be. I know there is at least six new characters that I would love the chance to introduce…now that- that would be a great ending and the perfect beginning to an even more amazing story; that is for sure.



-You know, just sayin’.



-jason