For the record, I have not given up on anything I am merely giving in. I just don’t have any fight left in me. I would love to keep fighting, probably more that anything else, I would but if fighting for something that will ultimately lead me to losing it…well, I just won’t. So everything goes back to the way things were and I will never again hope for something that I know I was never suppose to be able to have. I knew it from the beginning but I just thought, maybe just this once I could try; I don’t regret a thing and I would do it all over again the same way if given the opportunity.
It’s funny that no one will know what I am talking about here-it’s not meant for anyone else to understand…I just needed to write this down for myself, so I will always remember; that’s all, no other reason.
I do however have a message for all of you out there who happen to be reading this; in this world and this life, we are given the ability to look beyond those things we believe are true; those things that have been cemented in our psyche by the trials and tribulations that make up the experiences we refer to. We have the ability to dream and to view reality through whatever glasses we choose to view them with and the choice to take those glasses off at any time. We also have the ability to discount those things that make up the obstacles in our lives that hold us back if we so choose to. Choice and not the inevitability of past choices should guide our lives; it’s who we are. It is true that we give things up in the process like control but control is only an illusion that acts more like a distraction when we look back on it. When someone takes a genuine chance on something; on anything, it’s not that we give up control or anything else…it’s a compromise that depends on someone else’s choice too. When we take a job; we give up just as much as someone else does by giving us a chance to do the job and either succeed or fail at it. We do it all the time but what we almost never realize is that we are rarely honest to ourselves about why we do what we do. It’s no what we do, it’s why we do it. It’s not that we took a chance on something, it’s about why we did it and what the intention was. You can lie to everyone else about why we didn’t take a chance and it matters very little but it always matters if you know the truth. It’s all because of the great equalizer we all have that is built in to ourselves; it’s the heart…people don’t use it when they know they need to or even want to and especially when it could mean more than anyone could have guessed it would. I would like everyone to just try a little bit more to use that heart you have to take that chance that you normally wouldn’t have taken; not because it will prove something or give you something greater than you have now but when it’s the difference between being truthful to yourself and lying because you just know that the inevitable will happen before you have even tried.